It's Cinco de Mayo, featuring Gregorio, Antonio, and Yeeemee!
Hey! Where the hell's the friggin' piñata?
6:00
It's About Time...
The New York Post finally printed a retraction of the story they put out a couple of weeks ago where they claimed that a sex tape existed featuring Op's lovely fiancée and Bam Margera. Well, this morning "Page Six" admits that NO SUCH TAPE EXISTS and that they were tricked by filthy gossipmongeringwhoredouchebagbucketofpus Chauncé Hayden. Not only is there NO TAPE, but the girl never even MET Margera.
Hayden Kneeling as usual.
Super Car Weekend!
Opie ran into Anthony on Saturday night at FH Riley's during Ant's weekend of cars and guns. Anthony and his li'l buddy Keith The Cop had a Ferrari and a Lamborghini for the weekend, and they each got to try out each one.
Ant decided that a roadtrip was necessary, so he took a trip out to eastern Long Island to visit his mommy. While still in Nassau county, where he lives, he was clocked at 105 MPH getting onto an on-ramp on the Long Island Expressway. It took the cop about 8 minutes to catch up with him and pull him over. Luckily Ant had been out drinking with the officer's brother the night before, and he was able to get out of the ticket. Then he headed out to Suffolk to visit mommy. Going MUCH faster than 105, Ant was stopped by another cop... who said, "I don't even know how fast you were going"! Amazingly, it turns out the guy lives 5 doors down from Ant's mommy... so our speedy pal was told to slow down and was again let go. He pretty much behaved himself the rest of the day. Pretty much.
Ferrari vs Lamborghini
I bet those cars together would cost you over 60 grand.
Perhaps more than that, gentlemen!
This morning Ant had to bring the Ferrari back into the city... and got into Manhattan in 15 minutes from his house. Wow.
180 MPH was the top speed over the weekend. Allegedly. Jimmy is not happy with Ant's exploits. He can't afford to lose such a lucrative meal ticket! And YES, Anthony went to "the range" with HUNDREDS of rounds over the weekend. Him go bang bang A LOT.
Here's a little driving idea for Anthony: Since his "uncle" built that wonderful Autobahn over there, howabout Ant flies over and explores his driving fantasies on a road specifically built for the speeds he likes to zip around at?
Ya friggin' lunatic.
"All due respect".
Now, that looks like a bit of fun.
Hey Ant! When are we going?
6:30
AGAIN!? There was ANOTHER home invasion!
A woman in New Jersey was asleep and woke to find a naked man stroking her inner thigh. No, it wasn't someone she knew. The idiot woman had left her sliding glass door unlocked when she went to bed and the creep just walked in.
Lock your door, moron! Get one of these installed, you dolt.
Anthony's personal assistant, Keith The Cop (and his wife) is helping Ant around the house. His wife is giving Ant a lot of help with decorating Chateau Cumia. Keith has even taken to sleeping there and doing Ant's laundry.
That sure is something.
Hey copper! Get to scrubbin' !
One of the neighbors asked Keith "what happened to the man who used to own the house?" That silly goose Keith told the guy that he got the house for $600,000 in a foreclosure auction because the previous owner (Ant) was arrested on child pornography and drug charges.
Fantastic then.
Thanks, pal.
Boxer Shorts and Cuddles
The other day the painters were working at Ant's house when he said out loud he was going upstairs to take a nap. At the same time Keith, who works nights, was standing there in his boxers and said that he was going to do the same. They both went upstairs at the same time for a little nappy... on opposite ends of the house. HOWEVER, the painter's assistant didn't know they weren't going to "nap" together, and asked his boss, "Maricon?" To make matters worse (or better, depending on your sense of humor), when Keith left, he said "Seeya sweetie" to Anthony so the painter's helper could hear him.
Is that a rainbow I see over Chateau Cumia? No WONDER people are suspicious. Ok terrific!
7:00
Talking bag of filth... dandruff included.
RED ALERT! RED ALERT!
Opie says DO NOT got to work in NYC on Wednesday because that odious pile of human waste, Weird Al Sharpton, is calling for a citywide shutdown in protest of the acquittal of the police officers charged in the Sean Bell shooting. Assfaced Al wants his unemployed followers to start their "pray in" at 3PM... the start of rush hour. What a nice guy.
Where is Al when something happens like the following story?
The stalker has been a real problem for Uma and her family and has her and everyone in her life freaked out.
OK, now I'M freaked out...
7:30
Opie had THIRTY FIVE WOMEN in his apartment on Saturday... before they all went to see "Wicked". The ladies had taken a party bus up from Philly and stopped at Op's place for refreshments. It was the first time the women from his girl's family and his own family got together for a henfest. I can only imagine the cackling that went on.
As a result, Opie left NYC and headed out to FH Riley's to hang out with his derelict fans. How bad were things at his place if he chose to come and hang out with the likes of US?
Poor fella Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! Can I get another Mimosa, Gregg? Cluck! Cluck!
Kentucky Derby
That friggin' Hillary!
Who did the presidential candidates bet on?
Obama bet on "Big Brown" (write your own jokes) to show, and witch faced Hillary Clinton bet on the horse that finished 2nd... Eight Belles... who was the only female horse in the race. Hillary's horse had to be destroyed after it broke 2 ankles in the race. I think things would've turned out a lot better for the horse if it had had a set of cankles like thick legged Hillary.
Yeeesh!
Poor horsey
Get out the rolls and light up the grills, boys!
We gotta lotta meat we need to cook up!
The guys get into making fun of the poor dead horse. Much mirth is made. Unfunny bitch Lisa calls up from Long Island, complaining that she's totally done with K-Rock because of the dead horse bit. Too bad, Toots!
Jimmy summed it up perfectly: "Bake a pie, Broad!" That's more like it!
Errr... I don't write about that. But look at this link about some famous hits if you want to.
8:15
Dru Boogie is in studio with "The Sounds Of Steve".
ooOoOoOoooOooOoooOOo! It seems that Steve C is walking on sunshine... or at least sucking on it.
Another great one from, Dru.
The Opie and Anthony Show is proud to present another fan favorite: TASER AUDIO!
Oh, it's a good one. Some fella didn't want to spread his legs to a police officer could frisk him, so he was electronically "encouraged" into cooperating. It certainly changed HIS mind quick.
Much like the Pope giving NY's cardinal a fancy set of golden robes, Jim Norton has gifts for HIS underlings: he's brought a box of shirts given to him by his mother over the years...and he wants the O&A staff to come in wearing them tomorrow. Danny, Than, Sam, and Travis were each presented with one of the treasures.
I'm looking forward to those pictures...
Uh Oh!
Someone or something published a list of what they think are the Sexiest Film Duos. That stupid scene from 9 1/2 Weeks in which Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger rub food all over each other and eat it while doing their naughty business is, of course, named. Yecchhh.
Keep your mitts off my food, whore.
Another scene was Burt Lancaster and Debora Kerr making love as the tide came in on the beach in the film "From Here To Eternity".
Sex on sandy beach? It's like sticking your junk into a rock tumbler.
Not something I recommend.
I'm just sayin'.
That's it. Goodbye.
Remember, for every person who adds me as a friend on MySpace, another delicious Eight Belles burger will be served up to a weeping PETA member. Please do your part. Thank you.
------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore
Other stuff, Joe
